Gus and Joy took a math test today. They both studied really hard but they both got a C.

Gloomy Gus

Gus

Gus said to himself:

I can’t believe you are so stupid. That test was so easy. How could I mess up so badly. I am worthless. My father was right, I’ll never amount to anything….

Joy said to herself:

I studied really hard for that test and I didn’t do as well as I would have liked, but the next time I

Joy

will do much better.

Well, the next test was the midterm. Joy and Gus both studied but this time Joy got an A and Gus got a C. Why?

Self-talk.

If we talked to our friends the way that we talk to ourselves, we would be mighty lonely. We really treat ourselves very badly.

Most of us talk to ourselves the way Gus talks to himself – we put ourselves down, we focus on the bad, AND

We minimize the good things that we do.

Think about how many times you receive a complement from others, only to make light of it.

Great job.

It was no big deal.

Do you do that? Even if it is a big deal?

Getting an A on a test IS a big deal, landing that dream job IS a big deal, paying your bills on time IS a big deal. Lots of people can’t do those things, yet when WE do these things, we tell ourselves it’s no big deal.

Guess what?

Your subconscious records your accomplishments as no big deal.

Scale

Image by dnnya17 via Flickr

Imagine your self-image as a scale. When you talk badly to yourself you weigh on the negative side, and when you talk nicely to yourself, you weigh on the positive side. Those “no big deals” become cotton and those “you stupid…” become lead.

Which way does your scale lean? What does that mean for your attitude about yourself? Where is that attitude taking you? (Remember your attitude determines your direction of travel.)

Give yourself a break

We all make mistakes, but we all do more things right than we do wrong.

Stop beating up on yourself when you make a mistake. Take a tip from Joy. Say, “That’s not like me. The next time I will…”

If you catch yourself talking negatively, stop immediately. Imagine your negative self-talk as an emotional monkey on your back.

I actually use Gus in my classroom (he has Velcro on his hands.) When I catch a student talking negatively, I put Gus around his or her neck. (He’s a well-know celebrity on campus.)

Praise yourself

We live in a society where we are not permitted to praise ourselves openly. My grandmother used to say, “self praise stinks.”

But if you don’t praise yourself, who’s going to do it?

So, here’s what you do. In public, when you receive a compliment, say thank you.

In your head, give yourself an emotional high-five. Do the happy dance in your head when you achieve something.

This will put more weight on the positive side of your emotional scale. This will increase your self-worth and self-esteem.

You will be less afraid to go out there and conquer the world because you now know what a great person you truly are.

You truly are great. Don’t forget to tell yourself how great you really are.

A tip for parents

Talk to your kids in a positive way. If they make a mistake, remind them that they are not like that and ask them what they are going to do the next time. Help them to focus on the good in them as well.

The results will surprise you.

Share with me the nasty things that you no longer say to yourself. We can high-five your new emotional attitude together.

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About living4bliss

Mental Health Food is the place to stop to get your bliss on everyday. I give tips, hints and sometimes a little silliness to help you navigate the challenges of life. We have a great community of positive bloggers that keep the bliss going all day every day. Make sure to visit their blogs, too. Mental Health Food is a product of Believing Life Is Setup for Success, Inc. (B.L.I.S.S.) in Thornton, CO. We have been in the business of teaching success since 1991. We provide workshops, consulting services and now videos that help people just like you start and maintain successful businesses and personal lives using what you already have. Enjoy a daily dose of Mental Health Food; nourishment for the mind.

3 responses »

  1. rumpydog says:

    It’s very hard to re-write those scripts we’ve had running in our heads for years. The changes don’t come overnight, so don’t get down and DON’T GIVE UP!

    • living4bliss says:

      Great point. It takes a conscious effort because they are really deeply embedded in us.

      If I could figure out how to tweet your comment, I would. Maybe a copy and paste would work.

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