This week’s postings have been focused on changing your pictures, now I am going to shift to emotions.
You are the source of all of your emotions
You are in complete control. No one can change the way you feel without your permission. Never give anyone permission to make you feel bad.
You can choose how you feel about any situation. You are the master of your thoughts.
There are 4 ways to deal with emotions:
Although change is uncomfortable, your mood about making the change will be better if it is your choice. Your resolutions will not be successful unless it was your idea to change.
Your subconscious mind has dignity. It will fight back if forced to do something against its will. If you have a negative attitude about making a change may it be because this change is not what YOU really want?
When we avoid the negative emotions associated with change, it is usually because the change is not our idea, nor our desire, yet we don’t want to face the emotional pain that we associate with disappointing another person.
We must identify WHY we are against the change and take charge of our lives. No change will be permanent unless it was our desire and our idea.
Every parent of a two-year old has had the following experience:
“Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom” “WHAT????”
You can’t ignore a two-year old. They become more annoying and more intense until you finally acknowledge them.
Likewise, you can’t ignore emotions. If you avoid them, they will intensify until you do something, so it is better to deal with them than to ignore them.
However, if you focus on a two-year-old’s temper tantrum, you merely reinforce their behavior. You must stop the behavior without reinforcing it.
Likewise we should not reinforce our negative emotions by giving them too much attention. We should limit the amount of time we spend with negative thought.
If we spend too much time with our negative thoughts, we will focus in a negative direction. As a result, we will move in a negative direction. We must limit the amount of time we spend on negative emotions.
If something bad happens, you may feel the need to release negative energy. Keeping it bottled up may ultimately do more harm than good. If this is the case, give yourself a time limit. Actually set the alarm clock and rant and rave until the alarm goes off, then move on.
Keep in mind that the longer you indulge in negativity, the more you move in a negative direction, so for most setbacks 15 minutes should be your max.
Many of us feel that we cannot control our emotions; therefore we become a slave to them. Rather than fight, we indulge them.
Remember that emotions are like 2 year olds. It is up to the adults to teach them the proper way to behave. Overindulging negative emotions is like spoiling your child – you are doing yourself and them a great disservice.
Just as you learn when your child is in pain as opposed to whining for attention, you must learn when to cater to your emotions and when to not reinforce them.
Some people use pain as their friend. It is easier for them to complain and whine about a situation than it is to do something about it. They are overindulging their inner-child and causing more damage than good.
Just like a parent of a spoiled child, however, when we have had enough, THEN we take immediate action. We exercise the best option – we use our emotions to make a change.
Linking emotions with habits
When you are in an intense emotional state, unique experiences that occur simultaneously are linked with that emotion. Your subconscious mind will store that emotion along with the unique experience.
To change behavior, perform the new behavior at the same time as something that is intensely pleasurable. This will link the new behavior with the seek response and quickly change your behavior.
For instance, if I want to exercise, I will play my favorite music and dance. Because I enjoy dancing, the exercise activity is now linked to pleasure and I will seek to repeat the behavior.
Emotions are the magnet for our attitude. They attract or repel behavior.
We move toward our strongest emotion.
We avoid pain and seek pleasure. If the change we are seeking creates a negative emotional state, we will not be successful in making the change.
Our attitude is the direction in which we lean. If we have negative emotions toward our change, we will avoid making the change, so having a good emotional state is crucial to our success.
Changing is better if you have a good mood
No matter what your mood, if you plant wheat, you’re going to get wheat, so you may as well be in a good mood when you plant.
Change is never easy. Leaving your comfort zone is uncomfortable no matter how good the new future may be.
If you have a good mood about your change, it makes the change that much easier to bear.
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Check back next week to learn about motivation and controlling your habits. Happy Friday the 13th.