Many relationship problems occur because people have different definitions of what a relationship should be. They also happen because each partner has different PIC levels within a relationship.
Relationships consist of Passion Intimacy and Commitment (PIC.)
- Passion involves physical and sexual attraction and desire.
- Intimacy involves the sharing of emotions.
- Commitment involves the willingness to meet your partner’s needs and to preserve the relationship.
Are you and your partner at the same love level?
This is the love level you find with casual relationships, people you work with; neighbors that you wave to. If either you or your partner is at this level in your love relationship, you are on shaky ground.
We share our feelings but not our beds with our close friends. If you or your love partner are at this level, your relationship needs work if it is going to survive.
This is the level that many love relationships start with. The partners are physically and sexually attracted to one another but there is no emotional connection or commitment to the relationship at this stage. Relationships cannot last long-term at this level.
Many people make the mistake of marrying or moving in together at this stage. The relationship is not ripe and without developing intimacy and commitment, it is doomed to fail. Give yourself time to move to the next stage.
This relationship level happens when couples stay together for the sake of the children or out of convenience. It is most often seen in long-term relationships. Each person is into their own thing but maintains the relationship out of a sense of duty.
This is common in newer relationships. The couple is physically and emotionally connected but have not made a long-term commitment to one another.
This often occurs in couples who have been together for a long time. The emotional attachment and the commitment to one another is there, but the physical and sexual attraction is lacking.
This type of love occurs when people are physically attracted to one another and have made a commitment to one another, but are emotionally detached. This usually occurs when a couple commits to one another before getting to know each other very well.
This type of relationship occurs when both partners are truly into each other on all levels. This is the ideal type of love, but like with any type of relationship, it takes work to maintain.
When to Let Mismatches be Bygones
As couples move through different stages in life, their PIC levels change. A once passionate relationship often matures into a more intimate and committed one with time. Like any goal, decide what type of relationship you want and move toward it, keeping in mind that your partner’s feelings are a big part of this goal.
When your PIC is at different levels, you have several choices:
- Accept the relationship as is.
- Work together to improve the relationship and move it to a different level.
- If this is your choice, remember that your partner must be on board with the changes or it will not work.
- You cannot control your partner or his or her feelings, so don’t try.
- You cannot force, coerce or threaten a person to feel more passion toward you or to share their emotions if they do not want to.
- Move on.
Whatever you decide, remember that it is your choice and you are in control of yourself, but never your partner.
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BLACK HISTORY MONTH CONTEST:
In honor of Black History Month, I will share with you the list of the 21 African-Americans who influenced me the most in addition to my regular blog posts.
The first person to guess who #1 will be will receive a FREE Purpose Driven Woman Boot Camp courtesy of Taquila Coleman (a $47 value.) Simply post your guess in the comments section. Include your Facebook page, web page or twitter name and I will give you a shout out – right or wrong.
14. Malcolm X
15. Sidney Poitier
16. Oprah Winfrey
17. Paul Laurence Dunbar
18. Maya Angelou
19. Langston Hughes
20. Nikki Giovanni
21. Marian Anderson
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