Last week The Today Show featured a family who was complaining that Jet Blue put them off a plane because their toddler melted down.
No, it seems that this couple and I speak different languages. I learned that the translation for meltdown was the phrase that child has lost her everlovin’ mind. I’ll save my hazmat suit for another day.
Around my house we preferred the phrase I ain’t havin’ it.
NOTE: Proper grammar is not required in cases of extremely spoiled children and their delusional parents.
The Jet Blue Story
I’m not sure why The Today Show felt the need to air this story, maybe it was a slow news day. But it seems that two highly-educated pediatricians could not understand why a Jet Blue pilot would be so heartless as to remove them from an airplane simply because they could not control their two-year old’s “meltdown” (the child lost her everlovin’ mind) and “convince” her to sit in her seat so that the plane could take off.
The nerve of those heartless Jet Blue people.
How could they even think that the other 300 passengers were more important than their precious little golden-haired moppet? Why can’t they show some compassion and ignore FAA safety rules for this special little family?
Luckily the parents didn’t take this insult lying down. No siree Bob. They took it on the Today Show complete with a Facebook poll.
They would show those Jet Blue people just what America thought about their heartless act.
71% of the people polled agreed with Jet Blue. The other 29% either didn’t understand the question or are just plain delusional.
Are You Delusional?
The Facebook question was simple – should an entire plane full of passengers be delayed because two perfectly able-bodied parents cannot get their two-year old child to sit down in the seat?
If you answered YES – you are either delusional or didn’t understand the question. Read it again carefully before proceeding and try again. If the answer is still YES, then I’m afraid you are delusional.
Let me help you with this so that I can enjoy my travels, shopping, restaurant meals, etc. in bliss.
I intended to cover this topic in one post, but once I started writing, I realized that there are too many delusions for just one article.
So I will post the first 5 delusions in this article and continue on this subject in future posts. It is my duty as an American dedicated to peace and tranquility for all. (stepping into a phone booth to don my leotards and cape – No, I didn’t take pictures. Super heroes never take pictures while they are changing. What’s wrong with you?)
1. The Bill of Rights is Written for Adults. Adults pay taxes, children do not, therefore adults have rights that children do not. Children cannot vote because they are not old enough. They are not adults and should not be given the same rights as adults (although I sometimes think they would be more responsible voters than many adults.)
There is no reason that a healthy adult cannot put a tiny two-year old in an airplane seat and buckle her in. It’s just not that hard. Almost forgot – Mom AND Dad in this case were not able to accomplish this simple task. What’s wrong with this picture?
Did the child pay for the plane ticket? If not, she has the right to sit down and get buckled in so the rest of the passengers can get to their destination on time. She also has the right to be quiet so that I can enjoy whatever lousy movie they are playing on the plane.
The pilot has the right to make that happen because he or she is an adult with rights, too. See, the adult pilot has the right to make it home in time for dinner.
It’s in the Constitution I am sure. Number VIII – cruel and unusual punishment. A “meltdown” –qualifies as punishing me.
See – it’s against the law.
Your non-taxpaying child is violating my tax-paying rights.
I ain’t havin’ it.
2. Sleepy children are NOT an excuse for meltdown (i.e. losing their everlovin’ mind.) First of all, why are you dragging your child to Walmart at 10:30 at night? The child is acting a fool because they need to be in bed, not Walmart. Take the child home and put it to bed please.
Part of your child’s physical health depends on them getting the required amount of sleep. You wouldn’t deprive them of food, don’t deprive them of sleep.
This isn’t about you; it’s about your child’s physical health and my mental health (note the name of this blog.)
Universal Law: it doesn’t revolve around you and your needs. Put your child to bed.
I ain’t havin’ it.
3. Discipline builds self-esteem. Where did the crazy idea come from that children should be allowed to do as they please?
Children don’t have enough sense to know how to act. That’s why adults were invented. It’s a Universal Law.
Did the e-mail with the job description of PARENT accidently end up in your spam folder? If so, white-list it immediately. There is important stuff in there that you need to read.
Nothing will tear into a child’s self-esteem more than not being allowed to visit their friends because you never stopped them from walking across the kitchen table. What are you thinking?
I ain’t havin’ it.
What do you think being labeled as “bad” does to their self-worth?
Take the time to teach them how to act so that they feel good about themselves.
Please and thank you doesn’t hurt, either.
4. Your child will NOT grow out of tantrums. When a child has a tantrum, they have lost their mind. It is up to you to find it for them. It was in the PARENT e-mail.
Life gets really hard for people when they have lost their minds. The sooner you find your child’s, the easier life will be for them.
Begging and whining for the child to stop only escalates the insanity by rewarding unacceptable behavior. Yes, Virginia, tantrums are unacceptable.
I ain’t havin’ it.
Non-violent tantrums (screaming, crying, stomping feet) are dealt with by ignoring the behavior, rather than becoming an audience. Walk away. They will probably scream louder for a few seconds, but once they realize that this does not have the desired effect, they will tire themselves out and stop. They probably needed a nap anyway.
Either way, they’ll get over it. You need to get over it, too. You have not ruined their self-esteem, you have restored their self-respect and taught them self-control. It comes in handy in the adult world.
Speaking of terrorist, two can play that game. You are bigger than your child; use that to your advantage. Learn to tower over them with a scary, mean face. Let them know when you mean business. Let them wonder what you’ll do next.
I used to dial 911 and tell my kids to pray that the ambulance gets there in time. I wasn’t really going to hurt them. They knew that, but enough of them was not quite sure so they found their minds with the quickness.
I ain’t havin’ it.
I know it’s not fair. Who said anything about fair? This is about all-out parental domination and making the world safe for democracy. You have to do what you have to do. Jet Blue passengers the world over are depending on you. Let your cape blow in the wind for effect.
Public tantrums are dealt with by removing the audience. Remove the child from the event and do not go back until they behave like they have some sense. Explain this to them and allow them to join civilization once they find their mind. If they repeat the behavior, take them home and punish them.
You can look for their mind while they are in time-out.
Sometimes it may become necessary to pay the check BEFORE the appetizer. Make sure to include a healthy tip. Depending on the severity and length of the tantrum, a round of drinks for the house may also be in order. I’m sure I read that in Emily Post somewhere.
Violent tantrums are dealt with by restraint. It is abuse to have bruises from a child kicking or biting you or others. It is not abusive to hold their hands or legs so that they cannot do so. Remove any object that can be used as a projectile or weapon from their reach.
Hold them accountable with severe punishment if they damage or break something or hurt someone during their outburst. Wait until the tantrum is over before administering the punishment or you will just reinforce their behavior.
Then spend some quality time searching for their everlovin’ mind. You can look for it together. You will bond with your child as you search for his or her mind. Maybe they left it in the bed when they should have been taking their nap.
By the way, learn to put a little bass in your voice. End your demands (yes I said demands) by lowering your voice. Raising your voice at the end of a sentence makes it sound like a question.
Asking is not an option. Children do not have the right to vote, remember?
The only acceptable question in this case is “have you lost your everlovin’ mind?”
Other questions are out of the question.
5. Believe it or not, your kids are not that cute. Most kids are cute and the ones that aren’t so cute grow on you if they act like they have some sense.
Look closely at your child. If they look anything like Linda Blaire in the pea soup scene in The Exorcist, they are not in any way cute and if you think they are, you are delusional.
Have a talk with them and remind them about proper behavior BEFORE you go into the store, please.
Hire a sitter if you need to, but I ain’t havin’ it.
Bottom line, your kids don’t have the right to ruin my bliss.
I ain’t havin’ it and neither is Jet Blue.
Can I get an Amen from the choir?
- JetBlue and 77% of America, J’accuse! (lifeinthemarriedlane.com)
- Jet Blue Removes Unruly Toddler And Family From Plane: 71% Agree With The Decision (inquisitr.com)
- Toddler’s Tantrum Gets Family Ejected From JetBlue Flight (connecticut.cbslocal.com)
- JetBlue Blogs About Family Ejection, But Is MIA on Facebook (prnewsonline.com)
- Family Kicked Off Plane For Out-Of-Control Toddler (dreamindemon.com)
- Temper Tantrum? Buh-bye! (jillsorr.com)